:(

I wish that I could have one day of total happiness. One damn day that didn't have something wrong with it.

I realize I'm the culprit, however. That's the most frustrating thing...to have to admit that I'm a weak, pitiful person. I can't make myself happy. I don't know how. FUCK! It's so frustrating.

I really do want to be happy. I want to find a strength inside myself that I see and admire in others in my life...that strength of knowing and loving myself through anything and everything. As of right now, I don't have that ability. I don't feel like I'm worth anything, so I allow myself to sink into really fucked up situations and then I stay there, miserably unhappy, and mope.

I realize this...I just don't know how to fix it! I don't have the motivation inside to get up and do something good for myself. It's so frustrating and, most of all, disheartening.

I wonder how people put up with my ass. I really do.

FUCK IT ALL.

I want to throw up.

I feel used and worthless.

I don't feel like talking.

I don't feel like laughing or smiling.

I want to sink inside myself and slowly rot away.

I guess I'll throw on a smile, once again, and pretend like I'm happy.

But pretty soon, I'm not going to be able to do it anymore.

I can feel things moving, and I don't know where they're headed...so watch out, partner!