So, I Haven't Jumped Off A Cliff...

...so that's good, right? And I'm still taking my fucking meds, for all the good they do.

I still haven't gotten over feeling this deep sense of heartache, though. I know, I know...I need to be patient...the right one is out there, blah blah blah...all that shit. I KNOW! But it's a lot harder to convince your heart of that, you know. No matter what my brain tries to say, I still have this nauseated, aching sensation in my body at all times.

I'm still wishing that he lived closer to me. I know wishing won't do any good...but I don't have anything better to do, so I'll mope about it a little more. If he lived near me, we would have met already...I'm SURE of that. He's been a really good friend and someone great to talk to. He's given me a lot of sensible guidance that no one else has. He's not selfish at all. Jason IS selfish. Terribly fucking selfish. He only messages me when he wants something.

Master isn't selfish, but for some reason, my feelings are growing cold for Him...I don't understand why.

God, I'm such a flake. No wonder I don't have anyone...I know what the problem is: I fall for people really quickly, only to realize they aren't for me...then I drop them on their ass...why do I do that??? I've been hurt so badly in the past that you would think that I would have a little more compassion...but, no...I still drop folks on their ass.

Oh, well...I just haven't found the right one yet. When I do, I certainly won't drop them on their ass. Hopefully, I'll have enough sense about me to know when they've come along. Hopefully I won't be caught up with some dumb ass while the right one is getting snagged by someone else.

Ok, I'm finished for now...I don't feel like thinking about it anymore, as it gives me a SPLITTING headache every fucking time.