I just got in from my second night on my new job. I like it really well...I just can't stand being around socially retarded dumbasses. Yup.

So...tonight I'm just kicking myself in the ass. I can't believe I gave someone so much power over me so quickly. I was too fast to trust. I hoped too quickly. And what did it get me?

I don't even know how to reach him. I don't even know if I want to reach him. I keep thinking...what if he comes to me, let's say, a month from now...and he has some crazy story about why he couldn't talk to me for so long...would I believe him? I don't know...I can honestly say I really don't know what I would do.

Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing now. I guess I'm just focusing on my work. I'm keeping my ears open and my mouth shut. I'm trying not to think about my personal life...it just hurts too fucking bad.

The bad thing is that when I come home at night, there's nothing to save me from thinking. Everyone at home is sleeping...there's no one to talk to. I'm left with some sad-ass song playing as background music to my even sadder thoughts. That's when the crying starts...it's already started tonight. It will probably last for another hour or so...just crying. Then I'll go to sleep, wake up, and start the whole shitty cycle over again.

Why doesn't he come back and break the monotony again? I had come to depend on him for that...

FUCK HIM. Fuck him for making me feel this way. Even if he DID have a damn good excuse, I don't know if I could get over how he's made me feel for the past two weeks.

*sigh* Only time will tell...and I'm damn impatient!